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Retreat

from Nexus by idXed

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Dextrolitus! called out the god of Thought
In extreme bewilderment he cried out
Once more the name of his mortal bloodline
So loud that the whole Earth shattered this time

Then violently the ghost of his machine
Fell from his Astral self - woke from his dream
He was asleep for a minute it seemed
His vision blurred, and he could barely see
He pried his eyes open - they weighed a ton
He knew he hadn’t been sleeping too long
Knowing he slept since at least four fifty
He jumped out of bed and furiously
The digits of his clock were spinning fast
He was mortally outraged when he asked
Who is this that calls my name while I sleep?
How dare you disturb my one time of peace!

It is I, Egoid, who has crafted you
From the seed of patterns of every hue
Egoid, the source of all from what was none
I destroyed space-time to find you, my son
There is a path which only you can find
No one so worthy in all of mankind
The Multiverse granted me permission
To give you sensory-deprivation

How can this be real? I need to see proof!
Is there any way I can know it’s you?
If you are the Ultimate Consciousness
Why in my quests are you so elusive?

You who manipulates sound vibrations
King of men and of aural sensations
Do you not believe in the frequencies
That only you create, though you can’t see?
I sacrificed symmetry to give you
Better ears than the balance that most choose
I have given you more to think about
Than the others who wanted a way out
Some run from me and some give endlessly
You are free to either musically
These instruments were made for you to use
Is the trance of such not sufficient proof?
And as for your quest you know only math
Even physics, but where’s the other half?
Have you not studied String and M-Theory
Enough to know about reality?
When one looks he shall never in life find
The true nature of even his own mind
You strive too much and are seeking balance
I have come to you with your last challenge
For others have tried and some do not care
But the gods above have put you right here

You imply a center where I exist
Though in my own kingdom I feel unfit
Oh Egoid, Ultimate Creator Of
Is this a complex I must overcome?

Angrily the god of Brain Matter said,
Has skepticism left your whole mind dead?
Still you ask, when I demand you listen
Has not your destiny been conditioned?

Do you suggest that I have no free will
That if I did I’d create my own hell?
How is man to know wisdom uncovered
God or neuron - created, discovered?!
When I believe I relinquish control
Therefore, logic and reasoning I know
To suit my life more than a leap of faith
How can I submit to that with no face?

You, Dextrolitus, have created me?
But from where I stand it actually seems
That I transcend all of humanity
Is not your logic a form of belief?
To you two and two will never be three
The truth is the leap is necessary

Dextrolitus enraged cursed the spirits
He demanded to see some evidence
Logic to you may be irrelevant
But, he went on, it is all that I get
Why am I to leap and swim in your void
Even if you are the Conscious Egoid?

Suddenly Dextrolitus woke again
His dream of a dream was to soon begin
How was he to know if he was awake?
He asked as darkness blanketed his face
Strangely he could not see, feel, taste or hear
All was numb - did his vivid dream turn real?

Time stood still and space was nonexistent
Locked in this void his thoughts weren’t so distant
All of his fears crept up slowly on him
He tried to suppress them but knew they’d win
Memories and emotional distress
Ignorance and all childhood regrets
Consumed the thoughts of dead Dextrolitus
He realized he’d been living an image
Of what he thought to be just and perfect
But also that none of these thoughts were his
He tried to run, and epitomized man
But where can one go when there is no land
Or structures, politics, ideas or time
To cower beneath or to hide behind?
One by one phobias were presented
As the gods that they once represented
The god of desire robbed him of peace
She grew gigantic and split his psyche
Now there was a right-side brain and left mind
Two towers split in the blink of an eye
And as the infinite distance between
Expanding universes’ galaxies
Whose expansion grew exponentially
And instantly and indefinitely
Due to the quantum level and the gods
Who created it all while still at odds
With each other over control issues
So is the gap between a path to choose
And in between a line of deities
Danced in the void waiting to be appeased
A Dead Slave to his thoughts, Dextrolitus
Remembered Egoid and his dream challenge
Frantically, he bit threw all of his chains
To free his soul of this eternal pain
The endless line of thought-embodied gods
Used their powers to destroy his neurons
Dextrolitus the Bodiless Being
Attacked the first thought that was within reach
The more that he fought, the faster the thought
He felt his essence beginning to rot
His perceived sense of identity died
The shell that remained did not justify
Any of the reasons he wasn’t free
Then he chose to create his destiny

Dextrolitus the Ill-Fated Mortal
Fell as nothing into a rabbit hole
The thoughts of his dream were no longer gods
But parts of himself that he feared a lot
The end of this astronomical tube
Was the voice of reasoning and of truth
The mouth opened up and swallowed him whole
He was digested, then out spewed his soul
Finally, he could see, feel taste and hear
And instantly confronted his own fear
It was that of a familiar form
Its eyes foretold of an on-coming storm
They were pale blue and the pupils were small
Irritation plagued the mirrored eyeballs
Dextrolitus stepped back to see some more
Then in horror he collapsed to the floor
The face he was staring in was his own
His senses flushed and he let out a moan
He saw the sound waves travel from his mouth
The storm broke out as they shattered the ground
His reflection was destroyed by a voice
That came from below and sounded like noise
Blood began to drip down from both his ears
The storm raged on for what seemed to be years
The pain was beyond any suffering
The Champion of Sound had ever seen
Of all the infinitely dense knowledge
He stored only what seemed of importance
And still his mind was full of this deceit
But swore that it was all worth being free

Finally, Egoid appeared and then asked
Do you still wish to live as a free man?
Have you yet cursed your gifts of thought and sound?
Will you give up freedom to live for now?

The Enlightened Dextrolitus replied
I have killed my pride and this is my life
If you are the true creator of things
Then you decide the probabilities
It was my desire that caused all this
And its my head that I have been trapped in
So you are just an extension of me
And now I choose to leave myself empty

Egoid then shouted out in disbelief
How is it that you have discovered me?
You are right, it is not I who made you
But you who found me and that is the truth

Just then Egoid vaporized in thin air
The path to waking life appeared right there
Dextrolitus this Hero of The Self
Cautiously stepped forth to exit this hell
His eyes opened and were burnt by the sun
His clock told him it was four fifty one
Knowing that there would be even more strife
Dextrolitus woke up from sleep and sighed…

credits

from Nexus, released October 11, 2011

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idXed Missoula, montana

Acoustichaos Forest Punk vs. Psychegrind Doomind

idXed // Idea Defined is a solo project based solely out of mind. Taking influence from trips to dreams, grind to trip hop, from poetry to paintings and noise to ambiance its aim is to be as free of form as it is strange in style. ... more

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